My Human Heart

 Healing and moving on. 

'Pity the fate of young fellows, too long in bed with no sleep. With their complex romantic attachments -  Oh,look on their sorrows and weep' 
Pity the plight - Plan B / Ft John Cooper Clarke 

Two important things that I'm working out aren't so easy after the unfortunate series of events that occurred in the last few years. 
I find that I'm untrusting of everyone, even people who I trusted before, not necessarily in a bad way I'm just constantly waiting to be disappointed and it's a process that I know I will eventually grow out of but... not for a long time at least. 

Luckily being alone in my own company means that I can express that disappointment in any way I choose. Whether that is screaming into a pillow or crying my words into a blog post at least there's no one around to see. 

The disappointing thing is that I feel like even though I cried a lot over the five years, I've cried more thinking about things that happened or the way I handled a situation (flashbacks if you will) I know that I am much happier now and people around me can tell but I wouldn't necessarily say that my depression has completely gone away, it's going but the little devil on my shoulder is still hanging out because life isn't always peaches and sweetness most of the time.

Being alone means that the only way I can tell someone I'm not okay also means that I have to inconvenience someone when they have other things to do. Please don't take this as a I'm not okay post because I am, I'm good - I'm just talking about moments. 
I have far fewer nowadays. 

Healing takes time, and I know that I have plenty of time. I'm just impatient. 
Really fucking impatient. 

'I've been upside down, I don't wanna be the right way around - Can't find paradise on the ground'
All we do - Oh Wonder